The warm fuzzy feeling, kind of hard to describe. I find myself being very motivated to lose weight every so often. There are a multitude of reasons for me to lose weight, in no specific order:
- It simply needs to happen.
- Help with various health issues.
- Help avoid more serious health issues down the line.
- "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Cor 10:31)
- The prospect of meeting a partner and eventually starting a family.
- To improve my physical appearance.
- Make daily life and various tasks easier.
- Save money.
The above isn't an exhaustive list, there are many more benefits to losing weight not listed. Often one of the above points will spur me on, I will feel that warm fuzzy feeling of motivation. Generally it happens later in the evening and I vow to myself that I will start the next day. Then the next day comes, the warm fuzzy feeling subsides and it is replaced by a constant struggle to stop myself from breaking my newly formed plan. Sometimes I will get through the first day, sometimes the first week, rarely a couple weeks, but every time (hopefully up until now) failure is not far off.
Not only do I have more then enough reasons to lose weight, I also have a plethora of options to make the process easier (relatively speaking). I am blessed with family and many friends that want to see me succeed, all who are willing to go out of their way and help me in any way I need. I have access to all sorts of avenues to lose weight: new home gym, rather expensive bicycle that has been used 3 times, various opportunities through work, the aforementioned friends willing to join me, my ability to cook. and so on. If I have these many reasons and options, why then do I fail?
The answer has become quite clear to me, I am addicted to food and to eating. As found online, below is a list of common symptoms of food addiction:
frequent cravings for certain foods, despite feeling full and having just finished a nutritious meal
starting to eat a craved food and often eating much more than intended
eating a craved food and sometimes eating to the point of feeling excessively stuffed
often feeling guilty after eating particular foods — yet eating them again soon after
sometimes making excuses about why responding to a food craving is a good idea
repeatedly — but unsuccessfully — trying to quit eating certain foods, or setting rules for when eating them is allowed, such as at cheat meals or on certain days
often hiding the consumption of unhealthy foods from others
feeling unable to control the consumption of unhealthy foods — despite knowing that they cause physical harm or weight gain
Each of the above points can describe my relationship with food. Even as I am writing this, I am debating the idea of going to get an Ice Cap and cinnamon bun from Tim Hortons. Its so strange and so defeating to be writing to you about how I want to overcome this problem all while being so close to giving in once again. I am setting out to change at least the last 12 years of bad choices and formed dependencies. I know it is not going to be an easy task, but it is something that has to be done.
What is my plan then, how is this time different?
First, I think this blog is going to help greatly. The blog in isolation doesn't accomplish anything, what the blog does is allows me to convey my struggles and be honest with you, the reader, most of whom are close friends who I greatly adore.
Secondly, I am setting realistic goals. Often my plans start off with a crazy fad diet or a crazy goal of losing a large amount of weight very quickly. This time my plan is much easier. I am trying to stick to under 1750 calories a day and avoid any fast food and unhealthy snacks. For example last Thursday I had grilled cheese for lunch and homemade orange chicken for supper (baked not fried, and I cut back on much of the sugar involved). Most people would not call that a healthy diet, but for me it was under 1750 calories, there was no fast food involved and there was no snacking. Sure there is a lot of room to improve, but I have to successfully start somewhere before I can improve. Additionally, I am only weighing in on the 1st of each month, with no expectations other then that my weight has gone down. I have also set an initial goal to lose 40lbs by new years which is a very easy goal to reach. At my size any positive changes made results in very fast weight loss in the beginning, I know this from personal experience.
Lastly, and most importantly, I am finally giving up this fight to God. If I believe in a all powerful and all loving God, then certainly he wants me to be successful in this journey. I have to be careful though, being a Christian doesn't mean God will answer your every desire, God is not a magic genie in a lamp whose sole job is to grant your wishes. I have been relying on my own strength to be able to win this battle, and it is evident that my own strength is not enough. God has an endless supply of strength and of love, its time I started using it. I understand not all my readers are Christians, maybe you think I am crazy after reading this last paragraph. I do not expect everyone to believe in what I believe in, you have the freedom of choice for a reason. What you cannot refute is my personal experiences, I have seen God do amazing works in my life in the past and expect nothing less in the future.
So there you have it, my scattered thoughts on motivation. Hopefully you have gained some insight into my struggle. I hope and pray that this journey will not only be successful for myself but that it will help and inspire at least one other person to pursue change in an area where change is needed and seemingly impossible. See you Thursday for the first weigh in post.
The orange chicken I made :D.